Week 11: Famous Last Words - House Rabbit Primer 3/4

(FLW, Week 9: The Basics, I)

(FLW, Week 10: The Basics, II)

A Primer to the Domestic House Rabbit: The Hazards

1. I killed that snake for you: rabbits vs. power cords
2. Everything must go: rabbits vs. your furniture
3. I don't like that: rabbits vs. you, biting/scratching (Trigger warning for a picture with a bit of blood)

Before I start this, I recently found two articles that show what it's like to live with a rabbit from two very different point of views.

The first article, "Rabbits: A Bad Pet Decision" is a long rant about why rabbits are terrible pets.  A lot of the unknown author's (their home blog seems to have since been deleted) complaints are valid, but I can also see a lot of ignorance on their part.  This is probably what led to the early deaths of the author's rabbits - the author didn't like them, so they didn't bother to put the effort in.

The second article, "What Are Rabbits Really Like?" was written by Elizabeth TeSelle, and examines the relationships humans have with the animals we bring into our home by looking at the reasons we take in certain critters and what we expect in return.  She also explores the term "pet" and if it should even really be applied to house rabbits.  It's a great read, if you're interested.

Anyway, so you're still around?  Let me tell you all the ways rabbits are super destructive (which, coincidentally is one of the main reasons they make "bad pets" according to whoever wrote the first article).

I killed that snake for you: rabbits vs. power cords

Rabbits chew on everything.  It's an instinct.  They're teeth are constantly growing, so they need something to chew on. 

Now, that something can be a nice stick from outside (better than the color wooden blocks from Petsmart, I tell you - which my rabbits just tend to throw around for five minutes, then ignore), anything cardboard (boxes are great), anything paper (little paper cups are cheap, fun, and safe for rabbits).  It can also be something that looks vaguely like a snake i.e., your phone charger.

Khan is a bit more aggressive in going after cords than some of our other rabbits.

Rabbits will eat and chew on everything.  You have to learn from it - we learn to either keep extra power cords, to hide them better, or even how to splice cords like a pro (we have at least ten rolls of electrical tape in our house at all times).  In the rabbit room, we've covered the lamp cords with thick plastic tubing.

Everything must go: rabbits vs. your furniture

Again, nothing is safe from a rabbit.

Ziggy's been busy.

To be totally fair, most of the damage to this chair was caused by Gordie, a Flemish Giant we had before Ziggy.  Gordie was named after Gordie Howe, a legendary hockey player, and would often sit underneath the fake Christmas tree we had and strip it of all of its little plastic leaves.

Sidebar:

Something I forgot to mention in the last post - rabbits know when they're not supposed to be doing something.  So, because rabbits are basically teenagers, you need to be watching them at all times.   

They will literally wait until your back is turned/you're out of the room, before they go back to doing the thing they know they're not supposed to be doing.  They're brats like that.  So you need to be willing to be patient with them and be able to put up with a few chewed up things.

(No, you can't train them not do the thing because they honestly don't care if you spray them in the face with a water bottle or clap your hands at them and shout, "No!"  Rabbits essentially only aim to please themselves.) 

(Again, they're brats.) 

(I love them.)

I don't like that: rabbits vs. you, biting/scratching

Speaking of love, it's time to talk about biting and scratching and how rabbits are actually kinda dangerous (Monty Python and the Holy Grail levels of dangerous).

Rabbits have several different types of bites:

1. They have the playful nip - usually just to get your attention.  Ziggy nips at my ankles when I stand next to the dining room table without acknowledging him.
2. There's the "stop that crap" nip.  This is usually a quick pinch to let you know they don't enjoy whatever it is you're doing - like playing too rough or pulling too much fur (like if grooming session lasts too long, especially during molting season).
3. There's the "enough!" bite.  This is when they bite hard enough to draw blood and force you rethink your life choices.
4. And then there's the "I'm gonna f**king kill you!" bite when a rabbit sees red - they may be panicking or in pain, or you may smell like another rabbit - and this is the worst one to be on the receiving end of.  This is when a rabbit clamps down and pulls - they may even try to twist so that they can scratch you with their hind claws (which no amount of trimming or filing will ever really dull).

I've been on the receiving end of #4 when I tried to give Sid some treats out of my hand - but I had just been playing with Jacky, both Sid and Jack were unaltered at the time and Sid's territorial instinct kicked in.  Yeah, that was one of the worst bites I've ever gotten.  My finger had been ripped up by his teeth as he pulled my hand back and got his hind legs up and tore at my arm.

And this is a picture of what happens when you try to take a food bowl away from an aggressive female rabbit (remember to spay and neuter).

Mom's thumb got ripped open.

When it comes to scratching, it's not really the front paws you have to worry about.  I have scars on my stomach and arms from just trying to put a rabbit down/back in their cage and their back feet kick out.

It's so important to remember just how powerful those hind legs are.  A rabbit's kick is so powerful that they can actually snap their own spines!  This is why you have to support their bums when you pick them and avoid "scruffing" (picking a rabbit up by their scruff).

Now, you may be wondering to yourself: Kirsten, why put up with all of this?  I'll tell you next week...

Coming up:

Week 12: My Best Success Story and the Whole Point of Doing a Four Week Long Rabbit Primer

1. Cadbury, the Church Rabbit
2. What has been done: the "Make Mine Chocolate" campaign and the house rabbit memes
3. What needs to be done:  education, education, education

Extra Reading Diary: Robin Hood

I'm not quite sure I missed the fact that there's a Robin Hood unit, so I decided to do it for my extra reading diary.  Also, do you know our lord and savior Mel Brooks?  He's the one who brought us all this gem from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights."

Robin Hood and Little John

L. Rhead's tale of how Robin Hood and Little John meet matches up with Mel Brooks's version. Robin is walking along with some friends when he a big guy blocking the way across a bridge, that guy doesn't let him pass - they fight with a pair of staffs, Robin wins, Little John joins him, and they become great friends.

Of course, Brooks's version is filled with more hilarity.

I feel like this story could alternately be titled "How Robin Met His New Boyfriend After A They Beat Each Other Up."


Robin Hood and the Ranger

Robin falls in love (not that kind of love, I know, but really this is too much fun) with another man he's fought with.  I'm sensing a dangerous pattern here.  Alternate title: "Robin Hood Attracted To Men Who Wanted To Kill Him."


Robin Hood's Delight

I loved the ending of this story - the six of them fight for several hours before they all go on a three day bender.  Which is exactly what I do after I've gotten into a fight.  Also, can we just talk about how easy Robin is for good fighters?  Bless his heart.

Will Scarlet is featured in Men In Tights as a knife-wielding BAMF from Georgia whose full name is Will Scarlet O'Hara.

Storytelling for Week 11: when we've forever (we've too much seen)

Author's Note

This story is retelling of "The Adventure of Sir Percivale" - but I added a Black Sails and Merlin twist to it.  Basically, I used the Merlin version of Percival (without the "e" at the end) and crossed that over with Black Sails.

Why?

Because Tom Hopper, who played Percival in Merlin, plays Billy Bones in Black Sails.  So, for the purposes of this storytelling, he's an Immortal (this is explained at the end of my story) who has outlived Arthur and all the Knights of the Round Table, and he's just kinda drifting and then he becomes a pirate, because hey? Why not?  You'll also see in the story a mix of him calling himself Percival and Billy, this is intentional and is supposed to demonstrate the sort of identity crisis (which is probably too strong a word, more like minor turmoil) he's going through.

If you're not familiar with Black Sails, just imagine Sir Percival as a pirate and there you go.  Or, you could just look at the picture at the end of this note.

Billy's captain from Black Sails, Captain Flint, is featured, but you don't really need to know much beyond him using Billy to squash a mutiny (this is all in the very first episode).  The name of Flint's ship is The Walrus.

Sidebar: I recommend Black Sails if you like pirates and such, but trigger warning for sexual assault in the 2nd (maybe 3rd?) episode.

Anyway!  A summation of "The Adventure of Sir Percivale" is featured here if you want to know ahead of time.  I feature some of it in the story through flashbacks.

Percival (Tom Hopper) is now Billy Bones

-z-

Sometimes, Percival dreams of drowning and a lion’s roar in the distance.

-

“Oh, Sir Percival,” a woman's voice, soft and light as air, warm as the sun, whispers.

-x-

Billy wakes up in a cold sweat, heart thudding in his chest as he struggles to remember the year, which language he was supposed to be speaking, and which faces around him he was supposed to know.

“Nightmares?”

Billy looks up from where he’s been staring at the ocean sliding smooth around the bow of The Walrus and sees Flint.  Flint who is strong and steady in the secrets he keeps tucked in close.

“Yeah,” Billy answers.

Flint stares, as if he were waiting for Billy to continue.  (Maybe he was waiting for Billy to ask if Flint had had his own nightmares.)

But Billy turns away, looks back at the ocean.  It’s still dark – the full moon sitting low on the horizon, setting; they’re still a while from sunrise, but Billy knows he’ll get no more sleep tonight.

-x-

(Sometimes, Percival dreams of drowning and a lion’s roar in the distance.)

“What are you doing here?”

Percival can’t see her face, but her voice still wraps around him like a thick blanket – soothing.

“Nothing,” he answers.  He thinks he adds something else, but he’s can’t remember.

“If you promise me a favor,” the voice says, “I’ll lend you a horse from my own stable – and he’ll take you where you wish you to go.”

“Yes,” Percival says.

-x-

“We have no kings here,” Billy says, holding his knife to Flint’s neck.

“I am you king,” Flint snaps.

Billy wants to laugh in his face – wants to tell Flint that even if he had been of royal blood, that Billy’d never serve him.  He wants to tell him that he’s served a true king (once, a long, long time ago) and that he was something that Flint could never hope to achieve.  But there’s a whistle from The Walrus – calling them back in from the dingy, to see to the unrest aboard.

-

Flint’s covered in a dying man’s (traitor’s) blood and he’s holding his hand out to Billy, a slip of paper between his fingers.

Flint and Billy

For a sharp, split second – Billy remembers Arthur, now long dead and gone, bloody and wounded holding a hand out and Billy is suddenly Percival again and he sways forward, Latin words of allegiance and devotion on his lips – before he remembers himself.

Because Arthur never lied to him – never told him they were chasing after one thing, when they were actually after another.  Arthur, the greatest of Kings, who had wept when the Knights of the Round Table had planned to go after the Grail because he had known it would mean their deaths.

Billy feels his stomach turn as he unfolds the paper – sees that it’s blank but for blood.  Flint wasn’t Arthur.  Could never hope to be. 

Flint’s watching him, careful and assessing, and for one more second, Billy thinks about telling the truth.

“It’s the missing page,” he says instead.

Flint, still dripping in blood not his own, smirks.

And Billy thinks to himself, I’m getting too old for these games.

-x-

(Sometimes, Percival dreams of drowning and a lion’s roar in the distance.)

He dreams of a voice, warm and soft and gentle as a breeze, and a stallion, black and beautiful and fast as a gale.

Sometimes, when Percival isn’t Percival he thinks the dreams are memories – but, honestly, he’s been on this earth too long to tell the difference.  Just old dreams mixing with new nightmares.

When he dreams of that voice and that stallion – sometimes the stallion drowns him, sometimes he doesn’t.  But, every time, a lion – mane huge and frightful – comes to him.

The lion curls around Percival, growling deep in his throat.  And a warmth spreads through him – seeps from his skin down to his muscles and to his bones – filling him.

And, after that night, Percival does not die.

-x-

“I’m going to make you the princes of the new world!” Flint shouts.  Then he looks over at Billy and, for the first in a long, long time, Billy longs for his chainmail and helm – wanting to hide his regret and his shame behind something metal.

(But his armor has long since been hidden, sequestered away in a tomb half a world away.)

And not for the first time he wonders what Arthur and the others would think about the men he’s killed – of all the ships and all the gold he’s taken in the name of his captain and his shipmates.

Billy turns away from Flint and the roar of the crew, clutching the blank-but-for-the-blood scrap of paper.

That night, when Billy dreams of drowning and a lion’s roar in the distance, he knows that it’s time to move on, to leave Flint to his secrets and his plots.  And when that opportunity comes, he takes it – lets himself jump into the ocean and be swept away, chasing after that roar.

-

When Percival washes up on a beach, the roar in his head is quiet.

“Hello, old friend.”

Percival opens his eyes, blinking against the sun – and sees Merlin.

-z-

End.

-z-

Bibliography: King Arthur: Tales of the Round Table by Andrew Lang and illustrated by H. J. Ford (1902).

Reading Diary B: King Arthur

The Adventure of Sir Percivale

I love this story a lot, because I keep imagining Tom Hopper - who played Percival-no-e in Merlin  - going around doing this these things.  Which is especially fun when I got to the part where the knight on the black horse killed the hackney Percival had burrowed and Percival threw himself on the ground and then went to sleep.

Tom Hopper as Percival

So imagine the guy above, arms too big to fit into chain mail, throwing a tantrum and then taking a nap.

A lot of the times though, when I'm reading these stories and these characters are down on their luck, and someone from on high comes to help them out with a "Hey, I'll help you but I'm going to need a favor later" - it blows my mind that no one ever stops and wonders if this is a good idea.

Percival, you don't know who this lady is - why are just going to promise her you'll do something?  Yeah, she's got a great horse - BUT!

Oh, and the horse turned out to be a devil.  See, Percy, this is why you don't accept horses from strangers.

With the way the horse was going towards water to taken Percival to hell, I wonder if this facet of the tale was based on kelpies?  Kelpies are, traditionally, water spirits that take the form of horses.  They lure people onto their backs and then drown them. 

If anyone has been to the Fred Jones Art Museum and seen the scary horse statue with red eyes – I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be a kelpie.  I heard that a while ago, so I may be wrong.  These below are definitely kelpies.  They’re located in Falkirk, Scotland and are almost 100 feet tall.

The Kelpies

Reading Diary A: King Arthur

This unit is every bit as fun as I thought it would be!  So, first off, if you haven't seen BBC's Merlin, I very highly recommend it!  It's on Netflix.  This is the cast:

Gaius (Richard Wilson), Arthur (Bradley James), Merlin (Colin Morgan), Uther (Anthony Head),
Morgana (Katie McGrath), and "Gwen" Guinevere (Angel Coulby)

You may recognize McGrath from Jurassic World, and Wilson, Morgan, and Head from Doctor Who.

These are the Knights of the Round Table:

Leon (Rupert Young), Percival (Tom Hopper), Merlin, Arthur, Lacelot (Santiago Cabrera), Elyan (Tomiwa Edun), and Gwaine (Eoin Macken)

You may recognize Hopper from Doctor Who and Black Sails and Macken from The Night Shift (I haven't watch it, but I've heard good things).

The show deviates from the myths, like, a lot.  I'll just compare the two different takes (Ford's adaption and the BBC's) on two different stories.

The Drawing of the Sword

According to Ford, Arthur was delivered to a foster family by Merlin after the death of Uther, Arthur's father.  

Arthur is raised as Kay's squire and accompanies him to a tournament - Kay forgets his sword at home and sends Arthur to retrieve it.  However, the door's locked (because of course it is) and, not wanting his brother to be without a sword - Arthur goes to the church.  

At the church, an enchanted sword is stuck in a rock - really, it's stuck; no one can pull it out - and Arthur just sidles up and pulls it out, no big deal.

Except that it is a big deal and Arthur is then named the next King of England.  Like you do.

Now, in Merlin - the sword in the stone take is much different.  Earlier on in the series, Merlin takes Excalibur from the local blacksmith, has a dragon breathe some fire on it, and - in order to prevent the sword from falling into the wrong hands - sticks it in a rock until Arthur needs it (other stuff happens, BUT).

This clip is super cheesy and great, but here's what happens.

The Questing Beast

So the Ford tale, talks about Arthur and his knights chasing after a deer, except Arthur's horse is the only one fast enough to keep up with it - until it dies from exhaustion (which, really?).  

Anyway, then Arthur meets the beast - who simply passes him by.  He then encounters a boy and an old man, both of whom tell him something he didn't know about his past and both of whom are Merlin in disguise.

In Merlin, Arthur and his knights (and Merlin) are out hunting when they chance upon the questing beast.  Merlin actually trips and falls - and Arthur comes to his rescue, during which he's poisoned by the Questing Beast.  Merlin then goes on to do stuff and things and saves Arthur's life (because if he didn't, there'd be no series).

BBC's take on the Questing Beast

Tech Tip: Blogger Template

I browsed through the available templates, I just couldn't find one that was better than the book background.  I liked the travel one with the airplane, but books are where my heart lies, so I've decided to keep it.